Why Black People Don’t Age

So God told Me – “Look, you are going to be born black.”

I said, “Ummmm –  WHAT?”

God:  You’re going to be born as black – didn’t you hear me – I know your ears work; I created them

Me:  Wait- What are you talking about – And … UHHHHHHH! … I don’t  think so

God:  Yeah, look, I decided and – that’s the best course of action here – so listen – I am not…

Me:  No No No No No No – That ain’t happening – White Gay Male thank you!

God:  NO!  No – there are a plethora of those – and we’ve got enough more than enough males thank you – and they already fucked things up enough – you have attitude so you…

Me:  … What the fuck you mean I have attitude – fuck you – what are you trying to say – Am I sassy too?

God:  Uh WElllllllllll. Listen – Look  – cursing won’t…

Me:   CURSING???  I already told once about 3 weeks ago that it is not called cursing – those are adjectives and DO NOT change the subject …

God:  Yeah, whatever  – “adjectives” won’t get you anywhere – I have decided, AND IT IS SO!


God:  What?


God:  <Sigh>

God:  WHAT!!!!

Me:  Die.

God:  What?

Me:  DIE!

God:  OK –  Well – You see – That’s a problem – Uh – Because – IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…. can’t do that

Me:  DIE!!

God:  <SIGH> Look – OK  – I can… offer  you… some – well compensation – uh restitution.

Me:  restit – fuckin – tution this!!  (Grabs Breasts) – I am NOT a holocaust survivor – thank you – AND THAT’S ANOTHER THING YOU MESSED UP

God:  WHAT?  WHAT DID YOU SAY? I messed something…

Me:  Oh, You heard me!  Are you going deaf? I thought you had perfect ears! <Long Exhale>  Oh FUCKIT Sooooooo (Interested) – What KIND of compensation?

God:  Ok, so I am making you black – sorry, rather  African American…

Me:  UGGHH!  Really? Seriously?

God:  What now?

Me:   Well, what’s that about? Huh?   If I am going to be born in America or whatever they call it – USA  – some shit like that – That means I AM NOT from Africa – Coooooorrrrrect?

God:  OK – so yeah  – I did create the…

Me:  … SO enough with this fuckin African American bullshit  – and YOU KNOOOOOW I hate the hot weather anyway – so fuck you with that – And why oh WHY did you create that – “politically correct bullshit nonsense anyway” –

God:  Watch your language!

Me:  WHAT THE FUCK – REALLY? – You created it – YOU!! Get a fuckin grip – Do you have like have Alzheimer’s or something – mmm – Do you want me to call, uh,  Hippocrates or some shit like that!

God:  <SIGH>

Me:  AND  another thing – WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY – why – the fuck did you create that dementia shit anyway –  AND – ANNNNNNND  – AND – ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND – Donald Trump Really -REALLY?

God:  I am Done with this conversation – OK? You are born in the US of A as African American or <frustrated sigh> black  – end of the story – deal with it.


God:  <SIGH> What now?

Me:  I want a picture

God:  What?


God:  What the Fuck are you talking about? What kind fuckin’ of picture?

Me:  OOOOOHHHH  watch your languaaaaaaaaaaagggge

God:  YOU DO KNOW I can still smite you – don’t you – what are you talking about?

Me:  I saw that movie

God:  What movie?

Me:  Picture of Dorian Gray.  I want a picture!

God:  What the HELL does that mean?

Me:  Hey, hey… no reason to get S.T.D into this (Satan The Devil)

God:  WTF!!

Me: I  want YOU to give ME a picture

God:  <Audible exhale> – What  – what kind of picture?

Me:  No, you’re right  – not a picture – F-that – just make it so I won’t age until like – 80- maybe ninety years of age – yeah that’s what I want  – I will NOT age – until like 80 – 90.

God:  NO!

Me:  Seriously?

God:  NO!

Me:  WTF! – That is NOT TOO much to ask – otherwise – Forget it –  I’m not going

God:  Oh – yeah, you are

Me:  Seriously??!! – OK – take it outside – I  CAN TAKE YOU, you know  – TAKE IT OUTSIDE!

God:  <SIGH>

God:  Alright, look – FINE – (Under his breath – anything for an easy life)  I will make it so that you will stay LOOKING the same age starting at an age like 40…

Me:  NO! 30

God:  No Forty –


God:  <SIGH>

God:  OK  30 – and then around  60, you’ll start to age again…

Me:  No, No, NO!!  75 – 80

God:  WHAT?

Me:  You heard me – 75 – 80 – NO 80!

God:  Fuck No?

<Stare down>

<Stare down>


Me:  Humpf – OK  then

God:  Now – THAT means you WILL have a bunch of trials and tribulations during your life and…

Me:  <laughing> NOOOOOOOOOOOOObody uses the words “trials and tribulations” anymore -what’s wrong with you!

God:  <AHEM> YOU WILL HAVE a bunch of trials  – <SIGH> difficulties – during most of your life on the planet

Me:  You suck

God:  What?

Me:  You suck!  You really do suck – why the fuck were you born anyway –  and who the hell raised you??


Me:  <Tsk> (Sucks teeth) <Sigh> <Long Exhale>   FINE! What kind of Trials and Tribulations  – DIF-I-CUL-TIES – she says to the person who apparently was born in the middle ages!!

God:  Uh – I WAS NEVER BORN – YOU KNOW THAT!! – <sigh> never mind – do we have a deal!!???

<Stare down>

<Stare down>

Me:  OK – Fine

God:  Great. So now…

Me:  Oh Wait – Now what about my hair….