Why Black People Don’t Age
So God told Me – “Look, you are going to be born black.”
I said, “Ummmm – WHAT?”
God: You’re going to be born as black – didn’t you hear me – I know your ears work; I created them
Me: Wait- What are you talking about – And … UHHHHHHH! … I don’t think so
God: Yeah, look, I decided and – that’s the best course of action here – so listen – I am not…
Me: No No No No No No – That ain’t happening – White Gay Male thank you!
God: NO! No – there are a plethora of those – and we’ve got enough more than enough males thank you – and they already fucked things up enough – you have attitude so you…
Me: … What the fuck you mean I have attitude – fuck you – what are you trying to say – Am I sassy too?
God: Uh WElllllllllll. Listen – Look – cursing won’t…
Me: CURSING??? I already told once about 3 weeks ago that it is not called cursing – those are adjectives and DO NOT change the subject …
God: Yeah, whatever – “adjectives” won’t get you anywhere – I have decided, AND IT IS SO!
God: OK – Well – You see – That’s a problem – Uh – Because – IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…. can’t do that
God: <SIGH> Look – OK – I can… offer you… some – well compensation – uh restitution.
Me: restit – fuckin – tution this!! (Grabs Breasts) – I am NOT a holocaust survivor – thank you – AND THAT’S ANOTHER THING YOU MESSED UP
God: WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY? I messed something…
Me: Oh, You heard me! Are you going deaf? I thought you had perfect ears! <Long Exhale> Oh FUCKIT Sooooooo (Interested) – What KIND of compensation?
God: Ok, so I am making you black – sorry, rather African American…
Me: UGGHH! Really? Seriously?
God: What now?
Me: Well, what’s that about? Huh? If I am going to be born in America or whatever they call it – USA – some shit like that – That means I AM NOT from Africa – Coooooorrrrrect?
God: OK – so yeah – I did create the…
Me: … SO enough with this fuckin African American bullshit – and YOU KNOOOOOW I hate the hot weather anyway – so fuck you with that – And why oh WHY did you create that – “politically correct bullshit nonsense anyway” –
God: Watch your language!
Me: WHAT THE FUCK – REALLY? – You created it – YOU!! Get a fuckin grip – Do you have like have Alzheimer’s or something – mmm – Do you want me to call, uh, Hippocrates or some shit like that!
Me: AND another thing – WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY – why – the fuck did you create that dementia shit anyway – AND – ANNNNNNND – AND – ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND – Donald Trump Really -REALLY?
God: I am Done with this conversation – OK? You are born in the US of A as African American or <frustrated sigh> black – end of the story – deal with it.
God: <SIGH> What now?
Me: I want a picture
God: What the Fuck are you talking about? What kind fuckin’ of picture?
Me: OOOOOHHHH watch your languaaaaaaaaaaagggge
God: YOU DO KNOW I can still smite you – don’t you – what are you talking about?
Me: I saw that movie
God: What movie?
Me: Picture of Dorian Gray. I want a picture!
God: What the HELL does that mean?
Me: Hey, hey… no reason to get S.T.D into this (Satan The Devil)
Me: I want YOU to give ME a picture
God: <Audible exhale> – What – what kind of picture?
Me: No, you’re right – not a picture – F-that – just make it so I won’t age until like – 80- maybe ninety years of age – yeah that’s what I want – I will NOT age – until like 80 – 90.
Me: WTF! – That is NOT TOO much to ask – otherwise – Forget it – I’m not going
God: Oh – yeah, you are
Me: Seriously??!! – OK – take it outside – I CAN TAKE YOU, you know – TAKE IT OUTSIDE!
God: Alright, look – FINE – (Under his breath – anything for an easy life) I will make it so that you will stay LOOKING the same age starting at an age like 40…
Me: NO! 30
God: No Forty –
Me: I SAID NO 30 – TAKE IT OUTSIDE!!!
God: OK 30 – and then around 60, you’ll start to age again…
Me: No, No, NO!! 75 – 80
Me: You heard me – 75 – 80 – NO 80!
God: Fuck No?
God: OK – 80 – LAST CONCESSION!
Me: Humpf – OK then
God: Now – THAT means you WILL have a bunch of trials and tribulations during your life and…
Me: <laughing> NOOOOOOOOOOOOObody uses the words “trials and tribulations” anymore -what’s wrong with you!
God: <AHEM> YOU WILL HAVE a bunch of trials – <SIGH> difficulties – during most of your life on the planet
Me: You suck
Me: You suck! You really do suck – why the fuck were you born anyway – and who the hell raised you??
God: <SILENCE> DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
Me: <Tsk> (Sucks teeth) <Sigh> <Long Exhale> FINE! What kind of Trials and Tribulations – DIF-I-CUL-TIES – she says to the person who apparently was born in the middle ages!!
God: Uh – I WAS NEVER BORN – YOU KNOW THAT!! – <sigh> never mind – do we have a deal!!???
Me: OK – Fine
God: Great. So now…
Me: Oh Wait – Now what about my hair….